


If the road never leads you home

by redlipsredledger



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-22 19:27:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21081854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redlipsredledger/pseuds/redlipsredledger
Summary: Someone asked me to do Jyn's perspective so here you go!





	If the road never leads you home

_"I love you, Stardust."_

_"I love you too, papa."_

She'd been but a girl; a child that understood no better than the world her parents had created around her in their isolation and their peace. She understood nothing but her happy freedom that she'd foolishly thought would last forever; to this day that day haunted Jyn Erso, but she couldn't deny that her path had led her in a direction in which she'd never seen coming but she could not regret it. How could she regret it? It had brought her face to face with someone that had changed everything for her.

She'd watched her mother gunned down, the sharp tang of the blaster still rung in her ears to this day; she'd heard the sound a million times since that day and yet that was still her association. She still found herself thinking about the death of her mother every time she heard it and the helplessness she'd felt as a child that had the power to do nothing but run and hide and wait for a rescue that - for all she knew - would never come.

From that day on, Jyn had vowed she'd never need rescuing again.

She'd been a scared child once upon a time and then a prisoner of the Empire and never in that time did she once ask for help; never in that time did she once cry out for rescue. Jyn would rather gladly welcome death than beg for rescue.

Rescue.

Salvation.

The words should have been associated with survival, but to her they were associated with the girl that she'd been once upon a time in her eyes; she sat upon the warm beach now and she found herself breathing in the warm, smoky air around them and she knew that rescue would not come this time whether she asked for it or not and she was okay with that; this time, she'd chosen this situation for herself. It was not circumstance, it was not a mess she'd found herself in because of the failings of others or the tragedy that plagued life but because she'd made a choice. She'd made the choice to be here.

She'd made the choice to be here with him. 

Yavani 4 hadn't been her choice, but then it beat the hell out of an Imperial Work Camp where she'd be worked to death; this was a death that meant something and that? That had been meaningless, empty. She was hoping against hope that what they'd done here meant something; she hoped that it would save the millions of lives that her father had begged her to save; she hoped it would mean the Erso legacy would be something besides death.

She sat now curled into his side and she couldn't help but smile; she felt calmer than she ought to feel considering she was facing death but a death that was worthwhile meant everything compared to an empty, hollow existence knowing you could have done something to save lives and you chose not to.

_Trust goes both ways._

Cassian, Cassian had proved he'd trusted her though they hadn't the smoothest of starts. They sat now and she found a strange sense of peace was over her as she buried her head against his shoulder, the steady breaths from the man matched her own; they'd fallen in sync and it provoked a gentle smile on her features.

A breath of a sigh broke her lips.

He apologised to her and she shook her head at him; he had no reason to apologise. She simply allowed the smile to remain on her features as he held her to him and she squeezed the hand that rested against her shoulder.

"You have no reason to be sorry, Cassian. I agreed to this. I knew it might mean--." She cut off her own words before she could finish and she let out a small laugh. The two of them were going to die, there was no denying that nor was there a way around it but she didn't need to say it; they both knew what was coming for them and what they were facing and it was strange that now of all times she'd wish that she had more time because she had so much more to say.

So much more than she could fit into the precious moments that she had left.

She wished, and Jyn had never been one for wishing, that she could have persuaded him to let her handle this alone; she'd watched him get shot and she hadn't been able to stick around to make sure that he was safe, that he hadn't died there and she had felt her heart breaking; the crushing sadness and fear that washed over her as she thought that she might very well have lost him before she'd had the chance to say anything.

Before she'd had the chance to say Thank you for taking a chance on me.

Before she'd had the chance to say Thank you for trusting me.

Before she'd had the chance to say I love you.

Jyn Erso had never permitted herself to grow close to anyone; she knew the risks but the steady beating of his heart reminded her that closeness was not something she ought to fear and in that moment, tears sprang to her already sad, tired blue eyes; soon, that heart of his would cease beating and she'd never see his face again.

Why hadn't he just let her do this alone? Why did he have to come with her?

His life was worth so much to her. She wished now that she could find the strength to tell him that but she couldn't.

"Rebellions are built on Hope." She whispered gently as she curled further into his side, making it as clear as she could that she wanted her final moments to be spent in the safe embrace of the one man in her life she'd loved.

Making it clear in her own simple way that in those final moments, the thought of being anywhere but here would be unbearable. The thought of being away from his warm embrace would make this the worst kind of death she could imagine.

Her final moments were to be spent in his arms and she could live with that; she did not want a lonely death and that said a lot for the girl who'd spent her life alone.

She saw the light just as clearly as he did and she knew it was coming soon; she knew it would be seconds if they were lucky before they'd face a fire hotter than anything any human or anything else out there could imagine; a fire that would wash them away and leave them but dust and the fire was welcome. The fire was welcome if it meant that each would know the other would not die alone.

He told her to close her eyes and she did; if he saw the tears running down her cheeks he did not remark on them and she was glad for that. She buried her head in the rough, burned fabric of his shirt.

"Goodbye, Cassian." She whispered, afraid to speak louder less her voice break and he knew just how sad she was at the thought of his heart ceasing; that hurt her more than the thought of her own impending death.

At least she'd never know the emptiness of a galaxy without Cassian in it.

His smile was the last thing she thought about.

She heard him tell her he loved her; she couldn't bring herself to reply. He held her hand and in the final moments of fire and flame, she remained by the side of the man she loved.

Death - she thought - wasn't so bad if it meant never knowing the emptiness of watching him die while she lived on.

_I love you, Cassian. May death be kind to us both._


End file.
